Update 8 - 27 Months Later
I don’t know what to tell you, and that’s alright.
I have been hesitant to post anything to my website. It took me a little while to realize that had to do with who I was writing for. My main writing project has slowed to a halt for a similar reason- I don’t know what to tell a hypothetical you.
Over the past two plus years since I last wrote here, I’ve done a lot. I came very close to dying again. Thankfully, the underlying cause was identified this past fall, and after some horrific augmentation for three months, I began to recover. I mean, truly recover. The augmentation is gone. I’m managing the disease via infusions every month and half or so.
Being stuck in a situation where I had to rely so heavily on others made me accept how blessed I am. I felt terrible for not being able to match people stride for stride, but I’m not beating myself up over it. When I was laid up for almost six months, I decided to become a Terror. Terror was the word that came to mind. I wanted to bite into life’s throat and drink deeply.
I think I’ve done alright, in spite of how much has happened. I’ve seen Salem, Toronto, Niagara Falls and Boston. I’ve lost my aunt and my brother-in-law. I’ve begun to finish things again. I’m in my longest and healthiest relationship. I have one blood nephew, and a niece and nephew from two other, non-related family members. I participated in the Sky Ride after being shanghaied into it by my loving partner. I’m exercising and reading daily, and for once it doesn’t feel like bipolar high. It feels like I’m becoming my authentic self.
If you’re bothering to read this, I’m grateful you’re taking the time.
That being said, this website isn’t for you. It isn’t for a potential employer, nor is it a diary for family to peek into. It’s not where I’ll write my most profound bullshit that makes people stop and think. It’s just my little spot on the internet.
It took me a while to realize I’m not beholden to anyone past what I agree to. This site is mine. I’m beholden to no one. This website won’t be coherent right away, but maybe I’ll get closer to coherence. I wonder what it’ll look like in another 27 months.